repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
