I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
