I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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