maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
