If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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