She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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