i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
