Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I want her autograph on my taint
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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