Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
