This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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