I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
