Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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