He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize