If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
