She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
