If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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