Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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