The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
