I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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