I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
