Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
