and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
