4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
