Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
