Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
