hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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