i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
