I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
