So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
