Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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