He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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