i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
