I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
