At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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