I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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