Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
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