So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
