FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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