my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
