You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
