Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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