I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
