Cold hands, warm shart.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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