I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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