a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
