in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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