Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
