I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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