Cold hands, warm shart.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
