Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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