why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
