im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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