too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
