yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
