I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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