Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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