I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
