Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
