i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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