Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
