You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
