winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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