so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
