My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
