um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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