Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
