Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
