I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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