I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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