I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
