Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
