Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize