Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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