i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
