I accidentally had phone sex last night
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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