you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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